cryogenics

freezing people




cool.

'their uteri are currently occupied.'

--
Sent from my mobile device

Advice from the Rachel Psychic Trust: the sea is a wily opponent, but will probably not kill you in the near future.

7 23 19 8 15 1. This message has been brought to you by the Rachel Psychic Trust.

Advice from the Rachel Psychic Trust: someone with whom you share an intimate emotional relationship (and several children) will be spending more time with you in the future. Particularly expect them after the 7th.

Advice from the Rachel Psychic Trust: the next few weeks herald a highly increased likelihood that you and a friend will purchase identical coats. Shop with care.

just noticed that updated from my phone have an added message.
actually I think it's kinda cute.

jolly jape

--
Sent from my mobile device

just saw a sign saying 'sign not yet in use'

--
Sent from my mobile device

"I'm 14 and I don't like him. He's got a big forehead, LOL."
- Anon (to Radio1) on David Cameron

it's not about winning or losing, it's about the pie

"I don't want you breaking my friends' hearts when they find out that you can only get an erection if you are composing music on your computer surrounded by pictures of underdressed women."

I have an amusing accidental recording of me talking about dead butterflies.

I had a pencil once. But it was too sharp :(

I like writing letters. Especially when all I have to do is stick
naked women in an envelope.

Year 7s always give the same simple sentence:
-I walked to the shop.
and always complexify it thus:
-I walked to the shop and brought some crisps.
make of that what you will.

Apparently "falmouth is really cool. you'll hate it. there's things to do and people are really nice. it's like your nightmare."
It sounds hideous. Doing things and spendig time with nice people. No ta.

"How I miss people hammering on my door at obscene hours in the morning. Sitting in the kitchen for hours on end doing absolutely nothing but drink tea. Loitering in the corridors for no apparent reason what so ever. Playing the fun game: "Where is Ryan?" Having bell team practice (yes, I even miss that!) Saying we are going to go somewhere in ten minutes and not actually leaving for a good hour or so. Waging war against various spiders in the house (actually, I think that was just you). Making pizza with Larry. Watching Con Air nearly every week. Drinking on the rooftops. Having a BBQ in the the freezing cold. Saying "hi" to Alister in the morning. Saying "hi" to you in the morning (all though it was more likely early afternoon). Table Tennis..."
- Ollie Smith

'WE NEVER KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN, AND A WAVE OF FRANCOPHONIC
ENTHUSIASM MAY BOWL ME OVER AT ANY SECOND. LUCKILY I AM BACK IN BED,
SO THE IMAPCT IS UNLIKELY TO HARM ME.'

This soldering iron doesn't work! - Have you got any solder?

'this guy is so epic he make Seagal look like a tictac'

When she said I seemed like a nice girl what she meant was 'I saw you
talking to what was probably a female. I am going to encourage this
excessively because I am increasingly concerned about your sexuality.'

That's amazing! And really pretentious.

'Cut the crap, I shouldn't have to rhyme these words in a rhythm for
you to know it's a rap.' Yeah, but you do. You do.

What's in your pocket? - My penis - Apart from that?

taking innovative steps to push the boundaries of boredom

You underestimate our ability to withstand intense tedium.

'As an englishman, as the sun goes down, is your cup of cocoa half
empty or half full?'

the entire of humanity

'I just ease it out, cut a slice and then slam it back in so you don't
have to see it.' - Ollie Smith on maltloaf.

tuesdayboy - possibly making the leap to tumblr?

I'm mediocre at best.

"have you ever thought that boring someone is a violent act?"

are these verbal convolutions absolutely necessary? intended to
clarify they only confuse.

I will be here long after you are dead and gone, long after even the
memories of you are turned to dust and no one speaks your name.

Tea soup.

'The muse must be subdued and mastered by the male, like any other woman.'

bleak week

It's not my fault, it could have happened to anyone. It just always
happens to me...

The Wisdom of Arthur Schopenhauer:
"One needs only to see the way she is built to realise that woman is not intended for great mental or great physical labour."
"Women are suited to being the nurses and teachers of our earliest childhood precisely because they themselves are childish, silly and short-sighted,"
"Women think in their hearts that the man's business is to make the money and theirs is to spend it:"
"as the weaker sex, they are driven to rely not on force but on cunning: hence their instinctive subtlety and their ineradicable tendency to tell lies:"
"Only a male intellect clouded by the sexual drive could call the stunted, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped and short-legged sex the fair sex: ... More fittingly than the fair sex, women could be called the unaesthetic sex. neither for music, nor poetry, nor the plastic arts do they posess any real feeling or receptivity: if they affect to do so, it is merely mimicry in service of their effort to please."
"They are sexus sequuior, the inferior second sex in every respect: one should be indulgent towards their weaknesses, but to pay them honour is ridiculous beyond measure and demeans us even in their eyes."

I would recommend to anyone the entire essay 'On Women' - it reads like a joke, and it's much more amusing to imagine that it is.

students shouldn't engineer
eat with England or not
to exceed 6 tonnes

A thank you to all those whose suffering made us rich

things don't have to be useful

We now cannot understand or relate to the technology which defines our lives. It's crazy but the easiest way to relate to my laptop is to treat him as a grumpy person.

postmodernism: "hehe, this pen is shaped like a fish!"

Everything is bright & bleak - hard edged

Fluxus Event Score:
Destroy a national Treasure, possibly whilst humming the theme tune of 'National treasure'

"Sanchez is your daddy now."
- Mark Ferbrache on rabbits.

"You must be safe because the law says so!"

i can't believe how real she is
i mean, she's not real
like she's so Tuesday
not really real
but she's just TUESDAY. really really Tuesday

you can tell that I am an EngLit geek because I get excited about alliteration.

the beads on my new bracelet are like ugly maltesers - a crisp outer shell with a filling of ugly purple plasticine

(on Joyce)
what do you witness when you walk into a pub - a working class, Irish pub? You get hit by a wall of sound. Everyone's really drunk and... Irish.

"I have this disease late at night, involving alcohol and the telephone."

'People living at the seashore grow so accustomed to the murmur of the waves that they never hear it. By the the same token, we scarcely ever hear the words which we utter... We look at each other, but we do not see each other anymore. Our perception of the world has withered away; what has remained is mere recognition.'
-Victor Skhlovskij

there's a reason I am here and not there and the reason is me.
there's a reason I am here and not there and the reason is that here is here and there is all the way over there.
there's a reason I am here and not there and the reason is that there is different from here.
there's a reason I am here and not there and the reason is that

I wonder if everyone feels as hypocritical as I feel sitting talking about
[the poor / the drought in Africa / that guy with the drug problem who doesn't have a home.]

in the end I know that I don't want to
[give away my money / go to Africa and build a well / let that guy stay in our house so he can murder us all in our sleep.]
in the end I know that makes me a hypocrite.
in the end I can't help but wonder if everyone else knows?

chauvinism - "it's good because it's mine."

i want to ask the tutors "do you work here because you love the ethos of the place? or do you love the it here because you work here?"
i want to ask the students "why don't you go to lectures if you love the college? are you really here because it's so unique and special?"

is this cynicism?

'there [are] more books about books than on any other subject; we do nothing but write glosses on one another'

there's a reason I'm here and not there even if it's completely arbitary/random such as post and results and my skiving shame which means I'd have to hide in my room
there's a reason I'm here and not there and it might well be that here is not there
there's a reason I'm here and not there so please don't collapse the difference

Tutor: [sounding slightly hysterical] You wake up and the world is full of THINGS!

I think maybe that what I am getting out of class might be different from what is intended. They probably didn't plan for it to be solely an opportunity to stare at hot tutors and write down amusing quotes.

because locking someone in a dark, enclosed, airtight space which is routinely kept at a temperature cold enough to freeze human flesh, yeah, that's a good idea.

I'm as angry as if it happened to me.

"we cannot speak - we must pass over in silence"

Q: Do you have a sense of a single fixed identity? Multiple identities? One fluid identity?
A: No. No - I don't really have a sense of identity.

everything is deteriorating nicely

I have established that there is a code in the descriptions of Norfolk towns:
"Historic Market Town" appears to mean "complete and utter shitpit."

Hours of amusement at my discovery of a sister campaign to the "Think Don't Drink" (and Drive) campaign.
"Think! Don't Sink."

Poltergeists or Maintenance Men
- it's not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
Will Smith taught me that.

today the weight on my chest is
poltergeists
omnipresent
it is the stories of ghosts and perverted criminal maintenance men
it is the work that is due next week
it is - mainly it is the one thing I want that I can't figure out how to get
the thing that I cannot buy
or earn
or steal
it is the one thing that I work towards and daydream about and can't give up on
no matter how hopeless it might appear
today the weight on my chest is
poltergeists
omnipresent

"I think we should emulate the sea horses."

Event Scores or Pointless Instructions

Don't look at the elephant

Breathe

Don't die

Go two minutes without falling over

Don't do this performance

the raindrop hits the flame and drowns it
(you couldn’t make this shit up)
everything goes dark
it seems a kinda bleak message
but standing in the rain of an evening staring at a match will send your mind in bleak directions. At the best of times.
there’s a performance tomorrow and
it seems kinda a bleak message
Luckily I know The Nicest Guy In The World
(yes, I finally stopped relying on The Narcissist for sympathy or The Uncaring Ones for friendship)

"They are fuckers those fuckers."
- Czernobog; 'American Gods' by Neil Gaiman

"It's hard to find the jokes these days."
- Mr Nancy; 'American Gods' by Neil Gaiman

"me, I like them tellin' tales, tales that show my cleverness. It's a fault, I know, but it's the way I am."
- Mr Nancy; 'American Gods' by Neil Gaiman

Me, I like telling tales, tales that make people laugh. It's a fault, I guess, but it's the way I am, and the tales'll show you that the way I am ent the best way to be. I never thought anyone saw them as anything other than amusing tales in which I generally look a bit silly. Now I find myself despised because of them. My 'current lifestyle' is condemned. My actions, described as an extended joke about my own stupidity, have been deemed dangerously irresponsible and condemned.

"bread is expensive"

it's all falling together.
or falling apart.
I haven't decided yet.

today i found out more zombie facts that i will ever need to know.

Event Score Story:
1. Dress in your best suit
and fall over in the mud.
Get completely filthy then
carry on walking.

2. Walk through the town
covered in mud. If
anyone comments on
your appearance explain
that you've just climbed
out of your grave.

3. Start a panic about
zombies.

4. Go a whole day without
being shot with a shotgun.

5. Go a whole day without
having your head chopped
off.

6. Go a whole day without
being stabbed in the
head.

7. Go a whole day without
being beaten to death
with a baseball bat.

8. Kill or convert almost
the entire population of
a small town.

9. Give cannibalism a
try.

10. Kill the dog. There's
always a dog.

11.Launch an attack on
a church.

12. Receive a shotgun
wound.

13. Win.

14. Tell a story through
event scores.

15. Hand out a story of
event scores - one
score to each member
of the audience. Watch
to find out how long it
takes them to find the
story - if the do.

Rachel is working. / is physically incapable of sticking to a plan even if the plan is 'slack.' / is fed up with performance, presentation and other practical things.

So.
Waiting and wordpress and wifi.
Welcome back blogger. Still I can't post from home and you won't let me use all the interesting formatting I love so much, but our relationship is stronger than such petty concerns.

Remember me? I am a writer now.