'WE NEVER KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN, AND A WAVE OF FRANCOPHONIC
ENTHUSIASM MAY BOWL ME OVER AT ANY SECOND. LUCKILY I AM BACK IN BED,
SO THE IMAPCT IS UNLIKELY TO HARM ME.'

This soldering iron doesn't work! - Have you got any solder?

'this guy is so epic he make Seagal look like a tictac'

When she said I seemed like a nice girl what she meant was 'I saw you
talking to what was probably a female. I am going to encourage this
excessively because I am increasingly concerned about your sexuality.'

That's amazing! And really pretentious.

'Cut the crap, I shouldn't have to rhyme these words in a rhythm for
you to know it's a rap.' Yeah, but you do. You do.

What's in your pocket? - My penis - Apart from that?

taking innovative steps to push the boundaries of boredom

You underestimate our ability to withstand intense tedium.

'As an englishman, as the sun goes down, is your cup of cocoa half
empty or half full?'

the entire of humanity

'I just ease it out, cut a slice and then slam it back in so you don't
have to see it.' - Ollie Smith on maltloaf.

tuesdayboy - possibly making the leap to tumblr?

I'm mediocre at best.

"have you ever thought that boring someone is a violent act?"

are these verbal convolutions absolutely necessary? intended to
clarify they only confuse.

I will be here long after you are dead and gone, long after even the
memories of you are turned to dust and no one speaks your name.